


To My Last Breath

by chogibin



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Some Fluff, Terminal Illnesses, ryeonseung rly love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-14 00:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21006866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chogibin/pseuds/chogibin
Summary: 11:59pm changed to 12am.23 changed to 24.18 changed to 19.Seungyoun looked his boyfriend straight in the eye. “Happy birthday, Han Seungwoo.”





	To My Last Breath

**Author's Note:**

> toot toot all aboard the angst train  
i cried thinking about how this would end, hopefully i'll be able to get you to cry too.
> 
> i hope you enjoy, and as usual - not beta read.

Everyday Seungyoun opens his eyes, he’s hit with a wave of sound. The talking of the doctors and nurses in the hall; the snoring and chattering of the other patients; and of course, the beeping of the monitor that stood beside his bed. This was a normal occurrence for Seungyoun and has been for as long as he could remember. Seungyoun first arrived in the hospital at the age of 4, now aged 17 he was still here. If anything, it was a miracle he’d stayed this long. But life at the hospital wasn’t that bad. The nurses were nice to him, the majority of the patients were friendly and his parents visited often. But there was something off. Everything was just too _boring_. It was the same thing every day.

But then it changed. Something new was added to his schedule. Every Thursday, the local youth club would volunteer at the hospital, and recently there was a new addition. His name is Han Seungwoo and he’s 2 years older than Seungyoun, aged 18, going on 19. Seungyoun was known for being extremely social and always knowing what to say, but around Han Seungwoo it was as if he was someone else. Instead of throwing a casual arm around his shoulder, like how he did with everyone else, Seungyoun would just brush his shoulder against the older’s. He was satisfied with this though, any interaction was a win for Seungyoun.

Except, that’s what it _was_ like. Seungwoo had noticed the lack of touch between the two of them and brought it upon himself to start the interactions. A friendly high-five as a greeting turned into a soft hug from the older, the brushing of shoulders changed to Seungwoo looping his arm around Seungyoun’s neck and worst of all for Seungyoun’s heart, instead of waving at him from across the room, Seungwoo had started to wink and send him a kiss. It was getting harder and harder to hold in his heart eyes for the older.

“Seungyoun!” Seungwoo exclaimed when he saw the younger boy come into the room. Seungwoo jogged from the other side of the room and scooped Seungyoun into a tight hug, burying his head into Seungyoun’s neck. “I’m so glad you could come down again, I- we missed you last week.”

Seungyoun chuckled nervously, too caught up in the fact that his crush Han Seungwoo had his head currently buried into his neck, to notice Seungwoo’s slip up. “Sorry, I had an important check-up.”

“Well, what’s important is that you’re here now! And to make up for last week, I’m not gonna let you leave my side!”

Seungyoun was screwed. He wasn’t going to survive the day. “I mean, if I have to, hyung,” Seungyoun teased, trying to cover his panic.

So that’s how Seungyoun found himself sitting beside Seungwoo and Dongpyo, the younger patient that Seungwoo had gotten attached to. Seungyoun didn’t blame him. From what Seungyoun could tell from what little he knew of Dongpyo, he knew that Dongpyo was a cute and funny little boy. Seungyoun hoped that Dongpyo would recover safely and quickly.

However, compared to usual, Seungwoo looked sadder. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and he would just limply have his arm behind Seungyoun’s neck, instead of playing with the hair at the nape of the younger’s neck like usual.

So Seungyoun took action and took Seungwoo to the side. “Hyung, are you ok? You seem a little out of it today?” Seungyoun asked softly, staring into the older’s eyes.

Seungwoo took a deep breath. “Seungyoun, can I ask you something?”

Seungyoun nodded his head vigorously. “Of course, you can, hyung.”

Seungwoo took Seungyoun’s smaller hands into his own, bigger ones, and rubbed at his fingers with his own. “Cho Seungyoun, I love you, and have since I first saw you.”

Seungyoun was about to interrupt, to remind the older about why Seungyoun was at the hospital, but Seungwoo continued on, answering Seungyoun’s internal worries. “I am…aware of why you’re here. It was the only reason why I took so long to tell you, I didn’t want you to spend you last moments worrying about me, but I can take it. I want to be with you until your last moment. I love you Cho Seungyoun, and if you would accept me, may you be my boyfriend?”

It took all of Seungyoun’s willpower to not burst out in tears right then and there. “Yes, yes, a million times yes, of course I’ll be your boyfriend. I love you so, so much Han Seungwoo, you wouldn’t even know,” Seungyoun said, smiling so hard his cheeks began to hurt.

♡♡♡

While Seungwoo may not regret anything about confessing, Seungyoun regretted it immensely. Don’t get him wrong, he loved Seungwoo, more than anything else. Every time Seungwoo looked at him, his world lit up and any time Seungwoo smiled, Seungyoun’s heart would explode in a million fireworks. 

He just wished it hadn’t been this way. He wished he hadn’t met Seungwoo while he was dying, but instead living, breathing, running around, being able to go on dates with him. Seungyoun dreamt of another reality where they were group members exchanging secret kisses and passing them off as ‘fanservice.’ Also, a difficult reality, but at least Seungyoun could hold onto Seungwoo properly, and grow old with him. He imagined seeing Seungwoo, old and tired, rocking back on forth on his chair, smiling at Seungyoun the same way he always did, his eyes filled with love and staring at him and only him. If only.

Instead, he had this reality. Cho Seungyoun was dying. This was a fact and has been a fact for years now. And unlike previous years where he’d gone past what had been expected by doctors, this year he wasn’t going to survive. He knew this. He could _feel _it. It scared him. Everyday he lost more and more strength. His body shutting down. His life was ending, when it had only really begun.

It was cruel of him to accept Seungwoo’s confession. While Seungwoo did say he could bear it, he didn’t _deserve _it. He didn’t deserve to have his boyfriend die of an uncurable disease. Seungwoo deserved to have someone he could go out with, have cute coffee dates with, grow old with. He didn’t deserve to be tied down to a dying Seungyoun.

Seungwoo was scared, he couldn’t deny it. Seungwoo had felt so much with Seungyoun, so much more than he had with anyone else, and so much more than he will ever feel for another. When he sees the love of his life laying on his bed, using all his energy to just try and open his eyes to see his boyfriend, it takes all of Seungwoo’s power to not cry. He shouldn’t cry. Seungyoun doesn’t need to feel guilty. It wasn’t Seungyoun’s fault that he had this illness, and it wasn’t Seungyoun’s fault that Seungwoo felt so strongly for each other.

It was the 23rd of December, 11:30pm. Half an hour before Seungwoo’s birthday. Except, it didn’t feel like it. Gone was the giddy excitement he had previously felt, excited to spend his 19th birthday with his lover. He didn’t want anything trivial for his birthday anymore. All he wanted now was his boyfriend to be alive on his birthday, even if it was only for a second. As greedy as it sounded, it was his one wish. 

Seungwoo’s heart was beating so fast, it felt like it would burst out of his chest. His boyfriend was laying on the bed beside him, breathing so hard it looked like it would physically hurt. But Seungwoo wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. He had to be brave for Seungyoun. Seungyoun doesn’t deserve to see his boyfriend crying in his last moments of living. No, Seungyoun deserved to see his boyfriend’s smile, feel his boyfriend’s kisses for the last time. So that’s what he did. Seungwoo tried to smile the best he could, not quite reaching his eyes, but Seungyoun could sense the effort there, and tried to give a small smile in return. Nothing really changed in his expression, but Seungwoo could faintly see the last few responsive muscles around his mouth twitching.

11:50pm

Seungwoo lifted Seungyoun’s limp hand up to his mouth and kissed it softly, then moving to his boyfriend’s face. He kissed beside his eye, beside his lips and finally, softly onto his mouth. Seungwoo glanced at the time, the tears starting to well up in his eyes, prickling at the corners. He blinked quickly, trying to get rid of them before Seungyoun saw.

Seungyoun’s heart broke. He was dying. He was nearly dead, and his boyfriend had to sit by and witness him dying. It felt like a cruel joke that life was playing on him. Seungyoun glanced behind Seungwoo, his eyes being one of the last parts of him that still worked.

11:59pm changed to 12am.  
23 changed to 24.  
18 changed to 19.

Seungyoun looked his boyfriend straight in the eye, taking his last breath. “Happy birthday, Han Seungwoo.”

It was quiet, but Seungwoo heard it. The words repeating over and over in his head drowning out the flatline beep of Seungyoun’s monitor.

Cho Seungyoun was dead. His boyfriend, his love of his life, died at midnight on his 19th birthday. It was now that Han Seungwoo burst into tears. He sobbed and he wailed. He called out to his boyfriend, hoping that some miracle would happen and he would awake again in perfect health. But he didn’t.

Cho Seungyoun was gone forever.

**Author's Note:**

> twt-  
staryounie


End file.
